I love you so much but had to let you go…

I have been staring at this blank page for a while, not because I have no words to say, I have a lot but tears just can’t stop rolling down my eyes as I recollect things I wanted to say…

It was December 2012, when we first had you. I still remember that day, excited as I was I know from that first sight we had a connection. Though your tatay opted to scout for other options at Tiendesitas, and thanked God we went back for you. I guess it was meant to be.  You were my gift to your tatay since he asked for you. You were so playful and so excited to be out of the cage, and when you were, you ran here and there. You stuck your head out of the window the whole time while you’re on my lap while we travel to go home.

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…this was you 4 years ago 🙂

That first night you spent with us isn’t easy, you don’t want to be caged up and barked never ending. So we decided to let you out and slept by my side since then. I remember the next day after, I trained you where to poop and pee, and you smart boy learned it so easily. So proud of you!

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…you just love chewing my slippers! 🙂
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…i love to dress you around too 🙂

The coming months were not easy, we would wake up due to the foul acidic smell of your poop and pee and I had to get up and clean everything. There were a lot of times that my mornings were a disaster because you chewed on my well-loved stuff. From signature clothes, to shoes and bags, your shredded hair all over the apartment and even on our bed and sheets, but that did not lessen my love for you.

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Mostly my weekends are spent with you; I tag you along whenever I go to places.  Now, I don’t get that lonely if your tatay was at work or had to go somewhere since I have you by my side. While you grew up, you became so “malambing” to me, you are always protective of me, go wherever I go even if I just have to pee, you feel what I feel, you are my best friend! Oh not only that, you are my son! Our first baby…

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…our first picture and christmas eve together 🙂
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…how clingy you can be 🙂
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…those kisses 🙂

I still vividly remember those days, where I had to go to work wearing my favorite scrubs with a hole on it since you chewed on it. Remembering the nights where I opted to go home early rather than stay out and socialize with friends/ office mates just because you are alone and you haven’t eaten yet. Reminisce those times that I bring you home some Jollibee food? Burger steaks were your favorite then.  Actually you love to eat everything… I mean it when I say everything! haha Those moments that you would jump on me every time you see me home, and would lick my face whenever you want to show your gratitude. How you excitedly wiggle your tail when you’re thrilled to go out. Those moments where, you will just lay beside me or your head on my lap, believe me those were the outstanding memories tootie 🙂

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…something i will always miss 😦
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…oh that puppy eyed paawa look of yours! 🙂

I never thought that this day would come because I envisioned we can keep you for always, but I was wrong. Indeed there are certain things in life that is beyond our control.  We your parents are shattered right now, because in one week time we would be bringing you to a new set of family. Please do not ever think that we, I especially don’t love you anymore. I do with all of my heart but we really have no choice tootie.  Writing this down my heart is confounded and can’t stop crying. I love you with all of my heart and will always will, most can attest to that, and I know you too. Remember when everyone advised us to give you away the moment nanay got pregnant and when your sister came but we fought to keep you.  I even don’t mind having an allergic rhinitis attack daily just to keep  you. Don’t mind all the cleaning and shredding… but this time since your sister is the one being affected, we have no choice but to let you go.  Please do not be mad nor hate us, if we came up with this miserable decision since your sister is at risk for developing Asthma and we were advised not to have you together in one roof. I know this will make you sad, but not to worry so much my baby boy… because Tita Arabelle promised to take good care of you, you will have 3 new Labrador brothers/sisters an instant playmate.  And oh, they do have a big yard that you can run and play around all you want with your new siblings/ friends so I know that you will be happy with this one soon. Trust Nanay, you will 🙂

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…im sure you will miss running with tatay, but soon you will be running more with friends 🙂
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…i’ll surely miss that look my baby boy 😦

It’s been weeks since your tatay and I have been conferring over this, and since lately you are just being locked up at your cage, we were not able to give you the much attention just like before and you do not deserve that, not at all Zeus. You deserve to be happily playing and being out mingling with other dogs. I am so sorry if my attention was drawn more to your sister because she needs me more. I am sorry for all the shortcomings my boy but I know you understand right? I promise we will visit you from time to time and see how you are doing even if I have to drag your tatay and sister out of bed just to see you I would.

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…im sure your brother grecy will miss you too! 🙂

Please do know that I will miss you every single day, I will always long for your puppy eyed “paawa” face, I will miss how you jump over me when you see me come home, I’ll miss how you make lambing and how you follow me and just sit beside me, how you are awaken no matter how careful I open up some chips at night, and just everything… I’ll just miss you so much!!!! 😦

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…i know tatay will miss his eating buddy specially at the wee hours of the night 🙂

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I also wanted to thank you for the genuine kind of happiness you brought into our life, you are one of the reasons why your tatay and I never broke up, you abetted us, you toughen the relationship we now have for each other and I will always be grateful to you for that. Thank you for letting me feel the kind of love that’s pure and giving.  Thank you for letting me feel how it is to be a mother like figure. Thank you for your unconditional love, for understanding everything.  I am still not losing hope that someday, that maybe we can have you back again. When everything is all right, and I will always look forward to that day. I am pouring out all my emotions on this now for this Saturday, when we take you out for a stroll I will forever remember the happy Zeus that you are.  So no goodbye’s needed, just see you soon tootie.  🙂

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…thank you for making your sister laugh and giggle when you play with her 🙂
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…i will miss seeing you ywo together and at play… she loves you Zeus, i’ll see to it that she will always will 🙂
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…she will miss you so much!!! 

…Oh by the way, I just have one request though please keep us in your heart because you are engraved in ours… we love you for always! 🙂

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…I LOVE YOU TOOTIE, always! – Nanay 🙂
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